A Good Old-Fashioned Dressing Down (Housekeeping, Part IIII)

It is my pleasure to announce that we have a special guest blogger who is here to share some concerns with us.

A Good Old-Fashioned Dressing Down (Housekeeping, Part IIII)

By Your Momma (Anonymous)

I always like to dress down when I clean my house. So here it goes, straight up Brit style.

First, I’d like to thank Nathan Ward for allowing me the opportunity to write a blog and to post it on his website. I was alerted to the growing #Metoo movement in the research community back in June when I read Nathan’s blog. Fortunately, I was not one of this man’s victims but wanted to contribute some thoughts related to the allegations; it has come to my attention who this person is, and I am less than thrilled about his behavior. I and two others I know experienced other unsettling behaviors with this individual who will not be named in this blog.

I was told that this person attempted to blacklist me immediately following joining one of the online social media groups about two and a half years ago. At the time of joining the social media group, at the request of another member, I wanted my privacy respected and decided to block members from seeing my profile. Facebook does not allow for aliases. I wanted to respect Facebook's policy. But, when I realized blocking prevented me from seeing posts, I immediately started unblocking people. Unfortunately, Facebook did not unblock all the people. I soon realized this individual was still blocked, quickly I might add because he notified a particular individual, it got back to me rapidly, and I immediately unblocked him. The problem is this person apparently blacklisted me because I blocked him, telling numerous people I couldn’t be trusted despite not knowing me at all. He also should have fully comprehended the reason and that it was not some type of petty slight. I found this out maybe 10 months ago. I let it go, but now it has come to my attention this same person is the man who has sexually harassed close to seven women in the research community.

I’ve heard numerous reports of this person sabotaging research groups and fracturing them. And another friend complained that this individual blew up on him because he wasn’t replying quickly enough to messages. Guess what? People have other responsibilities and the world does not revolve around you.

I was also sexually harassed by another community member who will go unnamed, I did not engage in the behavior, but there seems to be a pattern within the community of a few men behaving badly and disrupting the reputations of those other men who associate with him and who stand up for them. It is understandable because some people can put forward multiple faces: one for women, another for men, one for family, another for friends. This is also a pattern with men who domestically abuse women.

So, I am going to lay out the different types of predatory behavior personality types when it relates to sexual harassment. Which really boils down to controlling the victim, much like rape.

1. The Hostile: This type of harasser tends to be aggressive, yet overtly, and demonstrates a clear level of disdain for their victim(s). Sexually abusive behavior can be openly abusive and will often include threats and intimidation. This type of harasser aims for power and control.
2. The Seducer: This type of harasser will disarm their victim(s) by using charm and flattery to manipulate their victim(s). These harassers will come across like they have romantic interests or want a more personal relationship with their victim(s), but these harassers have ulterior motives. The way these harassers behave often creates confusion and will try to make the victim(s) feel responsible for their sexual advances, like they asked for it.
3. The Clueless: This type of harasser just doesn’t realize their behavior is not appropriate. The person will make unwanted comments towards their victim(s) and insinuate their behavior was only a means at humor or friendliness. These harassers have problems understanding social cues and boundaries.
4. The Retaliator: These harassers engage in harassment to punish their victim(s) or as an act of revenge. This behavior can occur when perceived slights occur or when a victim rejects the harasser. This type of harasser also aims to exert power over their victim(s) with threats and harassment.

Also, harassers can fall into multiple categories, obviously, dependent on their personality and psychology. Theres needs to be some education in the community and group policies, I suggest, should be put into place helping members to understand that this type of behavior is not condoned.

In my opinion, due to conversations I have had, this male seems to fall into multiple categories, and he seems to be addicted to this type of behavior. Likely the addiction spreads to other areas of his life as well, such as extending to overdoing SOS research.

My personal hope is his friends recommend that he seeks counseling, particularly dialectical behavioral therapy. And in the future, please take women seriously when they make the accusation.

I clearly understand the rules of engagement, but women can also not deflect these types of behaviors for multiple reasons, including self esteem issues, an inability to know how to say no when a situation escalates, poor martial or personal relationships, yada yada yada.

Women are not just “flattered” or “ask for it”. And the time of the day you place calls is irrelevant. People have varied schedules. I have plenty of male friends who call, text, or e-mail at non-standard times of the day and have had no problem with these men. Take responsibility for your behavior without trying to deflect and make the other person feel confused and responsible. No bueno, dudes. . .

This particular individual clearly has an addiction problem, his behavior is impulsive, he has a veritable history of volatile intense relationships with other researchers, he has demonstrated he is capable of rapid mood changes and anger management issues, he has codependency issues from what is being said, there are allegations of  pathological lying, he has a pattern of manipulating others for self-gain, he has a pattern of vindictive behavior, and he victimizes others and then complains he is the person being victimized.

Much of this type of behavior can be rooted in trauma, genetics, but also neurological changes; for example, the latter can occur when there is a substance abuse problem. . .

And if these men cannot manage to provide some prudent ass guidance to their serial harassing, text wanking, stereotypical male yahoo that makes all y’all look bad, and take responsibility for his actions, then maybe y’all need to pack your bags and leave the research community with him.